( I mailed the letter below to the only address I could find for Neil Patrick Harris a few weeks ago. Now I am attempting to get it to him via the more common route of social media. Any help appreciated. )
To whom it may concern:
Good morning kind lady or gent. Please let me start by saying that I am making a couple of assumptions as to whom I am addressing at this point. Based on his popularity I would imagine that Mr. Neil Patrick Harris receives hundreds (please insert thousands if it would be more flattering while not being to over the top) of letters each week. With that kind of volume it would seem almost a necessity to have some sort of service or possibly a remedial English Class reviewing said correspondence and sorting or shredding before passing on those deemed worthy enough for his audience. If I am incorrect in this assumption and you are actually Mr. Neil Patrick Harris please be kind enough to skip to Section II.
Now that we have come to some conclusion as to the current recipient of this message let me proceed with haste. (I must apologize, I have been reading a collection of Sherlock Holmes stories written in the Queens English and it is rather hard to shake. I will do my best to transition back into my native Midwestern dialect.) I have a rather peculiar request for Mr. Neil Patrick Harris. To be right out with it I am hoping he can help me in finding a Storm Trooper costumer similar to the one Barney had in his apartment in How I Met Your Mother, that my daughter could use for a weekend. I realize the request alone is probably enough for you to simply move on to the next letter but maybe it would peak your interest to know that I am asking for his assistance to make my daughter’s Senior Prom dreams come true. If I have still lost you, thanks for reading this far.
Great your still with me! Before I get to Section II where I will directly address why I would even bother a person of such importance with this line of request let me clear up a few initial questions you might have.
– My daughter is of perfect health. So I am not reaching out to full fill a wish of that nature. There are far more deserving people than us.
– We are not desperately poor or even poor, we are painfully middle class and pay most our bills every month.
– We do not live in conjoined boxes down by the river, but if it would help forward my request I would be willing to do such, preferably after the brunt of winter has passed.
– To all accounts we are a relatively normal family…. other than this request.
Hopefully you have deemed my request of merit and are leaning towards forwarding to Mr. Neil Patrick Harris or you are at least going to read on to see just how absurd this can get. To avoid redundancy I will now proceed to the a for mentioned Section II.
Good morning Mr. Neil Patrick Harris. If that is in fact the time when you read your mail. Possibly good day is more fitting….. sorry, I shouldn’t trouble you with such things. Hopefully if the instructions above have been followed this letter has made it to you and you have skipped over the majority of Section I.
Let me start by saying I am a huge fan, because that is the way a letter to a person of your talent and status should start… but really I am not reaching out to that Neil Patrick Harris. I am reaching out to the Neil Patrick Harris whose family takes Halloween to the next level. If you did peek at Section I you probably noted that my daughter is hoping to wear a storm trooper costume to prom, which really has no bearing on you what so ever, but in this cosmic stew we live in it does. You see when my sixteen year old daughter approached me and said, “I want to wear a Storm Trooper costume to my senior prom.” My first response wasn’t, ‘Are you out of your mind?’ or ‘Don’t you know your not supposed to wear white after labor day?’ not even, ‘Princess Lea couldn’t even pull off that look, are you crazy?’ No the first words I uttered were, “Have you emailed Neil Patrick Harris.” Some would see this as an odd response from a forty something guy from Missouri, but I beg to differ.
You, Neil Patrick Harris, are just the guy that could help us pull this off. Your family’s Wizard of Oz was legendary….. the Bride of Frankenstein has never looked cuter. That is why I am writing you. You get it. You know the importance of taking it to the next level. Truth be told it is within our means to rent some ill fitting costume online that probably smells like bowling shoes but aside from the fungus my daughter ends up with, there just isn’t a story there. You are the element that makes this a lifetime memory, you are our costume Yoda.
As I noted above in Section I there are far more deserving people of your time and outreach. I am positive that people contact you dozens of times each year (please insert hundreds if it sounds better with out being over the top), but I would truly do anything for my daughter, so I thought this was worth a shot. We have an appliance store in town with big boxes and it is getting warmer so that offer still stands.
I also understand if this doesn’t get to you or maybe it is just a humorous anecdote you discuss at dinner with David and the kids. Just know that my daughter is staring at me across our table hoping that I can pull this off…. just kidding, she’s in high-school, we don’t really have dinner at the same time any more and if we do she is generally starring at her boyfriend, like that is going to last…
My contact information is below if you are able to help, if not have a great day my friend.