The Day Communication Died

Throughout history there have been inventions that advanced civilization, benefited all of humanity and ensured the continued prosperity of people, the world over.
From ancient advances; such as the first known use of a crane in the sixth century BC or the Roman viaduct around the fourth century BC. To more recent advancements like; the first airplane flight in 1903, Penicillin in 1928, the World Wide Web in 1989.
Now it seems that a couple of scientists in Japan have developed the next big game changer.
Maybe you have been confronted by an argumentative person, at home or in public. Until now you were limited to a couple of responses. Turn the other cheek or jump in the pen with the pig, either option has it drawbacks. That may be changing thanks to our Japanese friends.
Utilizing DAF or Delayed Audio Feedback they have invented the SpeechJammer. It is a device that looks like a black cube about the size of a shoe box mounted on a handle or as I envision it, like something Marvin the Martian would carry.
The concept is quite simple. Everyone remembers that annoying kid in middle school that repeated everything you said. (Unless you were that kid, then by all means, it was hilarious.) Some of them got so good at echoing that it seemed as though they were repeating what you said just as you said it, this inevitably made it difficult for you to think of what you wanted to say next.
Eureka, invention! I am sure that it is a little more complicated than that, but you get the gist. The SpeechJammer repeats back to the target what they are saying with a few hundred millisecond delay, they can’t process the rest of the sentence.
That is the what, the application is the exciting part. Just think of the possibilities the ability to stop your loved ones mid sentence would be priceless.
“Honey, I think you mentioned a couple weeks back that you would fix….” Spouse-anator 5000 to the rescue. Froze that, ‘you said you would statement’, in a fraction of a second.
“Dad all the other kids have a….” CSBSNHD (Children Should Be Seen Not Heard Device) stopped them in their tracks, thousands of dollars a year saved from not having to keep up with the other kids in town. I realize the acronym needs some work.
The dogs begin to bark on Saturday morning and you aren’t ready to get up, all you have to do is press the remote button on the FidoMute, problem solved. I realize the technology might not have been proven in the canine world but you can’t blame a guy for dreaming.
That all sounds great, but what if the technology falls into the wrong hands?
“I was really busy getting our taxes ready but tomorrow I will…” I am stopped mid sentence by the Excuse-Detonator, unable to finish the sentence, I walk with slumped shoulders to clean the garage.
“Just because a couple of your friends have one doesn’t…..” I am cut off in mid sentence. My daughter just downloaded the new ParentStopper app for her iPhone. Defenseless I nod and get out my wallet.
One evening we have friends over and intermittently they can’t seem to finish their sentences. The HumanQuieter is effective, but completely misunderstood by it’s thumb less operators.
Before long everyone in the house would have their own. We sit quietly knowing that talking to each other only leads to someone getting jammed. Simple conversation becomes a thing of the past. —-On second thought I am not sure if the world, let alone my house, is ready for the SpeechJammer. Communication is already tough enough.


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